Where have all the manners gone?

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p&tyIt occurred to me while a door slammed shut in my face that we have a problem with manners in this country (and really, it’s a lack of manners that is the problem).  It could just be a New York City thing but I don’t believe that – even though Mignon McLaughlin famously said “a car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else.  The same with good manners.”  Honestly, to me it seems like we have a nationwide epidemic on our hands and we are both the culprits and the victims. 

Don’t worry though!  Leave it Old Fashioned Eric to refresh your memory with this list of 5 basic manners we need to keep from extinction.

  1. Say “please” and “thank you.”  This is as basic as it gets people.
  2. Hold the door open for others.  You know, so nice old fashioned people don’t get doors slammed in their faces.
  3. If you do not have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  This is a big one and I, admittedly, have to remind myself about it more often.
  4. Use the phrase “excuse me” if you need to interrupt a conversation.
  5. Take compliments courteously.  If someone compliments you its polite to use “thank you” as a response as opposed to not accepting or putting yourself down.

Am I missing anything?  Comment below to share your thoughts – please.  

Before you go, check out this photo with courtesy tips from the UK Department of Public Instruction.  It’s pretty neat to see how these tips from 1898 are still important today.  

good-manners

20 thoughts on “Where have all the manners gone?”

  1. Great post, Eric! I don’t think that the limits are confined geographically, though … the same lack of manners exists 90 miles north of NYC as well. While nobody’s perfect, I’m really shocked sometimes when the simplest of phrases (“thank you”, “excuse me”) and gestures (opening a door) don’t even cross the minds of other people in public settings. It’s tough enough to teach our own kids how valuable these traits are without having such poor examples out there for them to see. Let’s hope that Old Fashioned values come back in style soon!

    • I think you’re right Pat. Its on us to overcome the obstacle to instill good values and manners in our kids in spite of what they see on a daily basis (and that’s no small task). Geographically I see a magnified lack of manners in NYC going to and from work because of the fast pace and NY-attitude. Its funny, people tend to be shocked when I hold the door coming out of Port Authority or stop to let them go first on the street. I will say though most of them in their awe do mutter out a “thank you” so there’s still hope!

  2. I was recently on vacation and I walked into a cafe and there was a sign that if you said please and thank you it was cheaper. I thought it was a good way to get people to use manners. As for the door slamming in your face my father broke his arm and I was taking him to the doctor. There was a lady that not only closed the door in his face but made sure to bump his arm so she can get in first! He was in a sling that you could clearly see. It was just plain rude. I always try to hold the door for people if I see them sometimes I don’t and close the door . When that happens I at least say I’m sorry I didn’t see you.

    Rebecca

    • Thanks for the comment Rebecca. I love the restaurant sign and loathe the story about while your dad was in a cast – that’s absolutely horrible. I’m glad to hear you’re once of the polite people out there – please keep up the good fight! Maybe, just maybe,… with our powers combined… WE CAN BRING BACK MANNERS! 🙂

    • Thanks for the read and the comment Mark. I think you are 100% right. The old principle of treating others the way you would like to be treated has really gone to the waste-side.

  6. kristendelaney1

    Eric – I don’t think geography necessarily has anything to do with it – I think it’s “nurture”. How people are brought up has a role in their politeness as adults. I love when I ask a child a question or offer them something and they say “yes, please” and “thank you”. That is a sign of good parenting.

    • That’s a great point Kristen about the role parents play in teaching manners. I know with my 2 year old I am relentless with “please” and “thank you.” Well… more like “peeeaassss” and “tank you” but still, it’s a start, right?!

  7. Leave it to Old Fashioned Eric to still value manners! Amen. Just this week a lady let a door slam in my face while exiting in a store. It made me angry for a one second but then it just made me sad because I would be 100% mortified if I ever treated another human being that way, as small of a thing as it is. I have to say, coming from Texas, it has often been a struggle for me to accept the differences in people’s manners (on average) in different parts of the country and also while I lived in Europe. My husband, a genial Midwesterner, and I both shake our heads on a daily basis at the lapses in manners we experience often here in Northern California. I am really looking forward to what I hope will be better manners from people when we move to Michigan this summer!

    • Thanks Alyssa! It really is sad now manners have fallen to the waste-side. I’m glad to hear as someone well traveled that you agree there probably is some geographical nuances to how important people hold manners. Hopefully Michigan raises the bar! My boss is from there and he’s polite, I guess (George if you read this I’m just kidding). Best of luck with your move and search for the well mannered Alyssa!

  8. st sahm

    Yes, sir! May I respectfully add for children and some adults to slow down and allow their elders to cross first or enter a room? So many people mow down or charge into the space of others who don’t move at such a fast pace anymore. Even in a grocery aisle my children know better than to crowd or get all up on an elderly shopper. SO rude.

  9. I absolutely love this! It is unfortunate and true that manners are no longer commonplace in today’s society. I for one have been diligently raising my children with these. I feel it my honor and duty as their mother to do so! I wish other people would as well.

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